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AUTOBIOGRIPIIT OF LOTE. 



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Warren Holden, 



AUTHOR OF " FOURTEEN SONNETS" AND " SONG OF THE SEA. 




PRESS OF J. B. LIPPINCOTT COMPANY. 
1888. 



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COPYPaOHT, 1888, BY WaRKEN HOLDEN. 



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CONTENTS. 



PAGE 

I.-AVANT-PROPOS. CONSTANCY (1828) .... 7 

II.— LOVE : ONE SPIRIT, MANY MANIFESTATIONS . 8 

III.-YOUNG LOVE'S FIRST LAY 9 

IV.— INTERLUDE 12 

V.-LONGING 13 

VI.-THE VESTAL VIRGIN 15 

VII.-INTERLUDE 17 

VIII.-ABSENCE .18 

IX.-REPEAT THE TALE 20 

X.— OPPOSITION 22 

XL— WOMELSDORF . 21 

X1I.-.TEAL0USY 2G 

XIIL— SYMPATHY OF NATURE 28 

XIV.— LOVE'S EXILE oO 



CONTENTS. 

PAGE 

XV.— THE QUEST OF LOVE 32 

XVI.— ODE TO LOVE 36 

XVII.— HOPE DEFERRED i'y 

XVIII.— WEDDING ANNIVERSARY 47 

XIX.— LOVE BIDES ITS TIME 48 

XX.— LOVE'S SILENT INFLUENCE 50 

XXL— BOYHOOD'S LOVE 52 

XXIL— WEDDED LOVE 55 

XXni.-"IF I LOVE YOU, WHAT IS THAT TO YOU?" . 50 

XXIV.— L' ENVOI. CONSTANCY (1888) 59 



AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF LOVE, 



I. 
AVANT-PROPOS. 



CONSTANCY (1828). 

How often hath the simple tale been told 
Of sudden, rapt, unutterable joy 
When love first thrills the heart of guileless 
boy, 
And colors everything with rose and gold. 
Once kindled, love's strong flame can ne'er grow 
cold ; 
The clouds of care may hide, but not destroy ; 
Nor will its honeyed sweetness ever cloy, 
Tliough taste be delicate and culture old. 
And even in the blissful realms above 

If aught could chill pure love's perennial glow, 
Let void Nirvana quench the conscious me. 
Not Heaven shall make man false to boyhood's 
love. 
Embarked upon its tide shall being flow 
On in eternal continuity. 



II. 



ONE SPIRIT, MANY MANIFESTATIONS. 

A CYNOSURE in boyhood's roseate sky, 

Her fairy figure floated airily 

To lure him onward towards his destiny, — 
The heaven reflected in her laughing eye. 
The altar where she prayed oft heard his sigh. 

For there betimes he bent the pious knee 

To worship God — in virgin purity. 
'Twas bliss to be, if only she were nigh. 
But each horizon brings bright stars to view; 

And many marvels love's career befall. 
Ere it may choose for better or for worse. 
One substance many forms may well endue. 

Who shares the gift of God is heir to all 
The love whose beauty fills the universe. 



III. 
YOUNG LOVE'S FIRST LAY. 

Oh, my life, may our love, as with angels above, 
Never ebb, but flow onward for aye! 

For better or worse, 'mid success or reverse. 
Be we tender and constant as they. 

And still will I love thee wherever I rove, 
O'er the mountain or billowy main • 

In sickness or health, or in want or in wealth, 
As I love thee, oh, love me again ! 



10 YOUNG love's first LAY. 

In the heat and the strife of an ever-vexed life 
With ambition let other hearts bnrn ; 

Full contented with this, we'll not ask other bliss 
Than to love and be loved in return. 



Oh, tell of it not how in yonder lone spot, 
Where the evergreens fondly entwine, 

Hand in hand we did plight, heart with heart to 
unite, — 
Yours the blessing, the blessed was mine ! 



Then we pledged with love's seal that for woe 
or for weal 

The exchange should endure to the last, 
And as oft as we sealed, each impression revealed 

Our engagement more full and more fast. 



11 



Like the flowers that blow where the lone waters 
flow, 
Unpluckecl by the thoughtless and gay, 
We will hide our young love only witnessed 
above 
By the stars in their silent array; 

We will seek a lone dell where in peace we may 
dwell, 

From the heartless and worldly removed, 
Unpretending in worth, but with innocent mirth. 

Simply loving and being beloved. 



IV. 



INTERLUDE. 



The brooklet babbles by the way, 

The bird replies above. 
And what, I pray youj may they say? 

The tale they tell is love. 



V. 



LONGING. 



As the constant dove bewaileth its love 

When absent from its side, 
So for thee I pine, thou desire of mine, 

My own, my chosen bride. 

In the silent night, when dreams of delight 

My waking fancies lull, 
Then thou art there, oh, thou vision fair, 

" My own, my beautiful V^ 



14 LONGING. 

Among the crowd of beauty proud 

One face alone I see; 
And that sweet face, whence beams each grace. 

Belongeth to none but thee. 

Reft part of my soul, to restore it whole, 

Thou must be my wedded wife; 
Oh, haste the glad day, — I can brook no delay, — 

My love, my very life! 



VI. 

THE VESTAL VIRGIN. 

Sweet virgin, priestess of my soul. 
My bosom is thy shrine; 

I own thy mystical control, 
I'm all and only thine. 

Here on the altar of my heart 
Thou fann'st the sacred flame, 

And well dost act thy sisters' part 
Of yore, who did the same. 



16 THE VESTAL VIRGIN. 

Pure vestal, in thy virgin pride, 

Fulfil thy pious vow; 
Then will I claim thee for my bride. 

Oh, that the time were now ! 



VII. 



INTERLUDE. 



Welcome, joyous spring, 

Bringing flowers. 
Music birds are on the wing, 

Singing in thy bowers. 
Happy love's the song they sing 

All the sunny hours. 



2* 



VIII. 



ABSENCE. 



My heart is with thee, dearest, 
Though I wander far away ; 

And thine image still is nearest 
When loneliest I stray. 

Doth not thy spirit hover, 

With tender sympathy, 
O'er thy fond, faithful lover 

Who longs and weeps for thee? 



ABSENCE. 19 

Though envious space may sever 

Our bodies here below^ 
Our souls shall minonle ever 

In the land to wliich we go. 



IX. 



REPEAT THE TALE. 

Oh, tell the rapturous story o'er 

Of how you learned to love me first, 

And tell it as you told before 

When forth the glowing secret burst, 

All eloquent with love-taught lore, 

With love-taught falterings intersj^ersed ! 

Again my bounding heart shall beat 

While whispering sighs confess thee mine. 

Again the willing vow repeat 
To be forever only thine; 

And hope and memory be replete 
With dreams and- visions all divine. 



REPEAT THE TALE. 21 

A gladness like they feel above 

Rushed through my heart and thrilled my frame, 
When first, with accents of the dove, 

You called me by my household name, 
As breathing from your lips of love 

My own dear William softly came. 

Embarked on nature's happy tide, 

Oh, might the voyage of life be proved 

With thee, dear Mary, by my side. 
We'd meet each adverse gale unmoved. 

Rehearsing with alternate pride 

How well we love and are beloved. 

Beloved by thee, to thee alone 

My heart's dear troth is ever due; 

The faith of love then let us own, 
To all true bosoms always true. 

My lady love, my only throne. 
My sweetheart, tell the tale anew. 



OPPOSITION. 

They told her she was cruelly deceived, 
A faithless lover had abandoned her. 

But though her tender heart is deeply grieved, 
Yet quiet patience waits without demur. 

Prophetic love hath visions of its own : 
She sees her lover fight his inward foe; 

She hears with sympathy his piteous moan ; 
She feels the anguish none but she may know. 



OPPOSITION. 23 

The smiles and raillery of heartless wit, 
Like pointless arrows 'gainst a coat of mail, 

Fall harmless at her feet, or never hit. 

By her own heart she knows he cannot fail. 

Fidelity, oh, thou art wondrous strong! 

Nor time, nor death thy constancy decrease. 
To thee the endless eons shall belong, 

With tranquil days of sweet, unruffled peace. 



XI. 

WOMELSDORF. 

Dear old Womelsdorf, 
Quaint and quiet town ; 

Hospitable wharf 

When love was like to drown. 

Pennsylvania Dutch 

Was the common speech ; 

Though I listened much, 
Quite beyond my reach. 

But one voice I heard 

Would be understood, 
Though no single word 

Smacked of Saxon good. 



WOMELSDORF. 25 

That was love's sweet voice, 

Recognized by tone; 
Interpreted by choice 

Or by gesture known. 

Love not garrulous 

Pleads in silent look, 
Proxy speaks for us 

Through the babbling brook. 

Sweetly singing birds 

Tell the tender tale. 
Love can hear its words 

Whispered by the gale. 

Womelsdorf, of old, 

What thou wast to me 
Tongue hath never told : 

Love alone could see. 



XII. 



JEALOUSY 



So you sought her in my exile, 
Thought to win the pearl of price, 

Hoped to find her weak and flexile, 
Tried the trick of loaded dice. 

Did you think the senseless clamor, 
Of her lover proved untrue, 

Could induce a magic glamour 
That would see a saint in you? 

Did you deem the soul of honor 
Could be bought as cheap as dirt ; 

That you could prevail upon her 
Easy as on fickle flirt? 



JEALOUSY. 27 

Paltry object of derision, 

Woe-begone, you turned to go, 

When, with mild but firm decision, 
Instantly she answered no ! 

Blasted be the mean ambition 
That could steal a broken heart ; 

May it find its just perdition, 
Victim of its own vile art. 



XIII. 

SYMPATHY OF NATURE. 

Friendly trees, familiar grass, 
Saw you not my lady pass, 
Crowned with wreath of golden hair. 
Brighter than the locks you wear ? 
When again she walks this way 
Note her elegant array ; 
How she moves with courtly pace, 
Belle of beauty, queen of grace. 

Warbling love lays, pretty bird. 
Sure I am you must have heard. 
Eyes she has of heavenly blue. 
And she carols sweet as you. 



SYMPATHY OF NATURE. 29 

Streamlet, purling as you flow, 
You, too, seem my love to know. 
Tell it not, thou babbling brook, 
How in yonder shady nook 
Where the loving tendrils twine 
Twice she promised to be mine. 

River, rushing to the sea. 
We will come and sail with thee, — 
Steer our bark to lonely isle. 
Far aloof from wicked wile; 
Placid life shall glide away, 
Dreaming, dreaming, day by day. 



3* 



XIV. 

LOVE'S EXILE. 

Return, return, my banished lover ; 

Stricken heart, no longer stray. 
Oh, let my yearning breast recover 

All the peace you took away ! 

Come back, come back, I'm lone and weary. 
Longing, waiting, day by day; 

Waking through the midnight eerie, 
I can only watch and pray. 

Forgive, forgive, my heart is breaking. 

Come, oh, come, thou hast the balm, — 
The only balm to soothe its aching. 

Bringing back my wonted calm ! 



love's exile. 31 

Thou canst not come? Then I must follow. 



Though I brave the cruel sea. 
The heartless world is false and hollow : 
Better, far, is death with thee. 



XV. 

THE QUEST OF LOVE. 

Oh, holy love, where dwellest tliou ? 
A pilgrim, urged by pious vow, 
Devoted at thy shrine would bow 

And lay a heart of truth. 
Guide me to thy enchanted mount. 
And bathe me in that living fount 
Which blots remorseless Time's account 

And gives immortal youth ; 



THE QUEST OF I.OVE. 33 

Impart the secret cipher key- 
To unlock the sacred mystery, 
And read from book of destiny 

The riddle of my life. 
Gifted with poefs second-sight, 
And led by fancy's magic light, 
Must I pursue the visions bright 

Wherewith thy realm is rife? 



On nature's mother lap recline, 
And, gazing in her face, divine 
The traits that multiform combine 

In harmonies unknown? 
Or dig the inestimable ore 
From mines of philosophic lore. 
Which ancient sages bade explore 

To win the alchemic stone? 



34 THE QUEST OF LOVE. 

Enshrined in purest maiden breast, 
Fit temple for the heavenly guest, 
There, say, hast thou set up thy rest 

And bid thy votaries come? 
Or else in friendship's warm embrace^ 
Or fellow-feeling for our race, 
In patriot zeal or hermit grace 

Is thy congenial home? 



Each source my trusting spirit tries ; 
Each specious hope exhausted lies, 
A group of blighted vanities, 

"In Disappointment's grave." 
Like bubbles dancing down the stream 
Freighted with rainbow hues that gleam 
A moment in the sun's bright beam. 

Then burst upon the wave. 



THE QUEST OF LOVE. 35 

Hast thou no place of peaceful rest, 
But wanderest from breast to breast, 
An angel visitant at best 

That mockest young desire? 
A weary pilgrimage was mine, 
Oft dreaming I had found thy shrine 
Where ignis fatuus chanced to shine. 

No constant altar's fire. 



And still for love my bosom sighed ; 
Nor was my prayer at last denied : 
A small, still voice within replied 

In dictates from above, — 
"Be duty's thorny pathway trod, 
Nor shun the cross, nor fear the rod ; 
Love pleasure not, love only God, 

For God alone is love." 



XVI. 



ODE TO LOVE. 



A WORD of nature's coinage, — love. 

She never struck a truer. 
The silvery sound alone will prove 

The metal to be pure. 
A sympathetic thrill it starts, 
Which makes it current with young hearts 

When uttered by a wooer. 



ODE TO LOVE. 37 

Was human passion ever seen 
In fitter garments dressed? 
Soft, flowing, modest, and serene, 
Like nature's robe of living green 
That soothes the tender eye the best, 
Its gentle cadence soothes the breast. 

Love wields mysterious power. 
The few who know its quiet use 
Achieve momentous victories. 
Weak woman makes it her strong tower 
Whence she displays the flag of truce. 
Her constant watchword peace. 

Her wont is thither to retreat 

When clouds of sorrow hover o'er; 
There safest refuge doth she meet 
When man's fierce passions in their heat 
On her devoted head would pour, 
Though the sin lieth at his door. 



38 ODE TO LOVE. 

Thou better angel of the soul, 
Mild umpire of the passions, 
To shame their wayward fashions ; 
When, subject to thy just control, 
Intestine quarrels cease, 
How brotherly they, hand in hand. 
Enchanted by the magic wand. 
Press onward to their heavenly goal 
And win the prize of peace. 



Harmony of the universe. 

Thou wast its mother and its nurse. 

Profound thou didst inspire 
The mystic dance trod by the spheres 

In honor to their sire. 
Their orbits, various as their years. 

Form strings to heaven's living lyre; 
In joyful concert thus they move, 
Forever chanting "God is love.'' 



ODE TO LOVE. 39 

Friend of helpless infancy, 
Our earliest vows are due to thee ; 
Babes owe thee their first lisping lay; 
Because thou art the mother's stay 
When, dreading the untimely blight, 
She watcheth through the livelong night 
Her drooping infant, at whose feeblest cries 
Her heart is rent with sympathetic sighs. 

Now with soft slumber's chain *tis bound. 

Captive to larger freedom led ; 
It scarcely breathes, but sleeps as sound 

As if the gentle soul had fled. 
Death oft in that disguise is found. 

" 'Tis strange. Oh, no, my child's not dead ; 
We must not and we will not part ! " 
She clasps it wildly to her heart 
And strives to break the envious chain, 
And yearns to catch its breath again. 
In vain, alas ! 'tis all in vain ; 



40 ODE TO LOVE. 

For that strong chain she cannot break, 
From that sound sleep it cannot wake; 
Conviction's chill doth o'er her creep : 
It is — it is death's chain — death's sleep. 

Bat love outlives the lost one's tomb 
Its dismal precincts to illume, 
And half dispels the horrid gloom, 

Undamped by its foul breath. 
Not Lethe's flood can drown the flame. 
It laughs to scorn his magic name; 
In calm or storm 'tis still the same, 

For "love is strong as death." 

But oh, " when youth and beauty meet," 
And eyes congenial mutual greet 
Each other for the first, and seem 
To know each other well, and deem 

That they have long been friends, 
Say, is it but a dream 

That heated fancy sends? 



ODE TO LOVE. 41 

Nay, Heaven's mysterious wisdom finds 
Unsought such boon for docile minds, 
And though it far surpass their dreams, 
Their joy is all it sweetly seems. 
Even as the bird perceives its mate. 

And will not own another, 
They fondly think that happy fate 

Made them to be together. 

Smiles he? Her cheeks with gladness glow. 
Or looks he downcast? Tears congenial flow. 
She loves his likings, Avhat he blames forswears, 
Adopting even his foibles unawares. 
The partial mirror of each changing mood 
Reflects his life, each feature more imbued. 

Oh, Poesy, resign the task, 
Thou canst not wear the lover's mask. 
In every tongue the theme thou'st tried. 
O'er every land the strain has died 



42 ODE TO LOVE. 

That strove the tender tale to unfold, 

Yet left it more than half untold. 

For every happy, new-met pair 

Bid thee the pleasing theme prolong 
And consummate the unfinished song. 

Exhaustless as the freeborn air, 

The choirs of heaven the task must share; 
To them the pleasing task doth most belong. 

See the group of sister graces. 
Clasped in each other's fond embraces, 
Smiling in each other's faces. 
Faith and Hope the thread entwine 
Of human destiny Divine, 
But, Charity, the clew is thine. 

Faith is our shepherdess, fair guide ; 
With her we climb the mountain side 

Where fruits of virtue grow. 
And mounted now on Pisgah's height, 



ODE TO LOVE. 43 

See promised Canaan, our birthright, 
Where milk and honey flow. 

When nightly gathered to her fold, 
Each straggler sought, the number told, 

Secure she bids us sleep. 
Though thieves around your shelter stalk, 
And pestilence in darkness walk, 

Believe, and I will keep. 

And pious vestal, brighter hope. 
E'en in the bosom of despair 
A constant vigil thou dost hold. 
Lest life's Promethean fire grow cold ; 
Still promising a sky more fair 
Beyond the clouds through which we grope. 
Come dwell with me, thrice-welcome guest, 
And bring thy sovereign balm ; 
Bind up the heart that grief hath riven. 
Pronounce the wanderer's sins forgiven. 



44 ODE TO LOVE. 

The troubled waters calm. 
Physician of the soul, thy means are blest. 

But, sweetest virgin of the group, 

To thee the palm be given ; 
More fair than Faith, more bright than Hope, 

Love, thou alone art heaven ! 



XVII. 



HOPE . DEFERRED. 



Pray on, pray on, God sleepeth not, 
Though His ear seem dull, and our cause forgot. 
'Tis the trial of faith ; oh, doubt it not ! 
For it worketh patience to bless our lot 
In days to come. 

Hope on, hope on, though hope be delayed, 
And with sickness of heart our hopes be repaid 
Still cherish the bud 'neath adversity's shade. 
For the later to bloom will be last to fade 
In days to come. 



46 HOPE DEFERRED. 

Love on, love on, nor impatient complain 
That love gropes in darkness and labors in pain. 
^Tis the hour before dawn of charity's reign, 
Who seeks not her own, but shall all things gain 
In days to come. 



XVIII. 

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. 

Welcome, returning bridal day, 
Thy memory knows no decay. 
Each year confirms our plighted truth 
With promise of perpetual youth. 

Love grows not old ; its daily cares 
Reveal new graces unawares ; 
While added joys increase the store 
Laid up in heaven for evermore. 



XIX. 

LOVE BIDES ITS TIME. 

Keep the secret well concealed ; 
Tell it not by conscious word : 
Love can wait till time-revealed, 

'Till betrayed by patient eyes, 

'Till from tender tone inferred. 
Or from act in artless guise. 

Gentle influence love will bring, 
Like the incense-laden breeze. 
Balmy breath of budding spring, 



LOVE BIDES ITS TIME. 49 

Bearing joys we know not whence ; 

Calm content and trustful ease, 
Satisfying soul and sense. 

Not by passion's hungry fires, 

Nor by raptures love e'er lives: 
Higher motive love requires. 

Love's concern for self is small. 
Love, unaskiug, freely gives; 
But in giving gaineth all. 



XX. 



LOVE'S SILENT INFLUENCE. 

Love tells its story with the eye. 

How well the tale is understood, 
The smiles of answering eyes reply, 

And prove the silent language good. 

With noiseless steps love comes and goes, 
And sweet the fragrance of its breath ; 

We feel its blessing soothe our woes. 
But cannot tell the words it saith. 

Nor think that love will claim its fee. 
Though deep the debt its zeal may earn ; 

Love is a giver rich and free; 
Its bounty asks for no return. 



51 



Wherever love's fair river flows, 
Another Eden cliarms the sight; 

Where beauty's modest buds unclose, 
Diffusing ever new delight. 

The crystal waters, clear and pure. 
Whose channel is the human heart, 

But circulate to cleanse and cure, 
And everlasting life impart. 

Flow on, forever, stream of love; 

Thy living spring can never fail. 
It wells amid the courts above. 

Its fountain is the " holy grail.'' 



XXI. 

BOYHOOD'S LOYE. 

My boyhood^s love, I feel it still ; 

It lingers like a parting knell, 
Though manhood^s cares the place would fill 

Where it alone was wont to dwell. 

My boyhood's love renews its spell. 

Bedecked with charms, all nature smiled; 

With brightest visions fancy glowed ; 
The pliant heart was fain beguiled. 

And rapturous tears unbidden flowed. 

Dear boyhood's love, by heaven bestowed. 



boyhood's J.OVE. 53 

How ardently my bosom yearned 
To kindle in some kindred breast 

The sacred flame in mine that burned, — 
To bless with love and thus be blessed. 
Sweet boyhood's love, thou heavenly guest. 



How deep, how truthful were the vows 
That young devotion freely breathed ; 

For love's own chaplet bound my brows. 
Of faith and high-wrought hopes enwreathed. 
Blest boyhood\s love by heaven bequeathed. 



The generous throb, th' impassioned sigh, 
How prodigal their wealth to give; 

At love's behest content to die. 
For love alone resolved to live. 
My boyhood's love shall life outlive. 



54 boyhood's love. 

And many a tear regret hath stole, 
For every joy, for every pain, 

Embalmed in faithful memory's scroll. 
Oh, let me be a boy again. 
And boyhood's love renew its reign ! 



XXII. 



WEDDED LOVE. 



TuE perfect mutual love of one for one, 
Each living only in the other's life, 
The holy partnership of man and wife, 

'Tis paradise, 'tis heaven on earth begun. 

But is life's battle over, duty done, 

When private peace and selfish joys are rife? 
No wider field for higher human strife? 

So ends the game with Eden barely won ? 

Nay ; wedded love must burst the bounds of 
home, 
Must seek the lost sheep of the common fold, 
Must penetrate the purlieus of despair. 

When it hath rescued all the souls that roam 
Forlorn the world's inhospitable wold. 

Then only love may full contentment share. 



XXIII. 

" IF I LOYE YOU, WHAT IS THAT TO 
YOU?" 

Though I love thee, heed not me. 

Beauty is a sacred pledge. 
Prove thyself a pure trustee. 

Though all love thee, be not vain, 

Claiming as thy privilege 
Charms which angels dearly gain. 

Though I worship in thy bower, 
'Tis not Passion's greedy flame, 
Seeking whom it may devour. 



57 



'Tis the homage due to Good. 

Noue but One may claim that name 
He imjjarts to whom He would. 

What He giveth His remains : 

For who makes that food his clioice 
Union thus with Him attains. 

He divides His joy with thee. 
His the music of thy voice. 
Smiles betray His witchery. 

He bestows the power to please; 

Lending every winning way, 
Native grace and careless ease. 

Only blemishes are ours; 

Errors leading us astray ; 
Death and all its direful powers. 



58 



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Every noble tendency, 

Every blessing worth our strife, 
Faith, and Hope, and Charity, 

All that cometh from above, — 

But reflections of His life. 
Revelations of His love. 

Gazing in another's eyes, 

Fondly seeking signs of truth. 
Haply one may find the prize. 

Thus His flesh and blood He gives. 

Food that feeds immortal youth. 
Thus man sees His face and lives. 



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